he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
