I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
