Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
