Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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