I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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