I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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