Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
