it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
