He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
