saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
