sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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