your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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