So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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