Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
