I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
