so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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