i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
