Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
