I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.