i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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