Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..