She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
