Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

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  (310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon http://tfl.nu/qfy4
  Replies (21) Good night (495) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.

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  (586): I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault. http://tfl.nu/nhl8
  Replies (14) Good night (2659) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."

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  (716): Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per." http://tfl.nu/jili
  Replies (6) Good night (3922) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

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  (443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober http://tfl.nu/mim6
  Replies (21) Good night (1574) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.

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  (720): You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger. http://tfl.nu/3qkv
  Replies (90) Good night (1586) Bad night (12624) Order T-Shirt
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.

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  (321): I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free. http://tfl.nu/5dnh
  Replies (17) Good night (3505) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

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  (704): a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you. http://tfl.nu/45tv
  Replies (2) Good night (2675) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift

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  (614): the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift http://tfl.nu/dh45
  Replies (19) Good night (4159) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"

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  (847): Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!" http://tfl.nu/3xo9
  Replies (10) Good night (5123) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty

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  (509): I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty http://tfl.nu/7xz1
  Replies (6) Good night (2086) Bad night (468)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.

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  (402): let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him. http://tfl.nu/l9xp
  Replies (8) Good night (2836) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator

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  (513): I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator http://tfl.nu/52sx
  Replies (7) Good night (623) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today

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  (614): Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today http://tfl.nu/chyo
  Replies (5) Good night (884) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with

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  (518): You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with http://tfl.nu/vbdb
  Replies (5) Good night (1794) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .

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  (925): I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER . http://tfl.nu/8mid
  Replies (8) Good night (348) Bad night (288)

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