Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
