Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
