saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
