it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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