i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
