I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
