No, drunk sperm still make babies.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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