I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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