this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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