I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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