i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize