Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
