I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
