So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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