i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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