I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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