you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
