Welp...herpes.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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