Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
