Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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