at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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