Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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