I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Nicole vs. Life
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
