Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
