Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
