i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
