if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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