I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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