if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
