i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
