when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You are a genius and a whore.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
