I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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