i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
