don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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