What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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