This is not my ceiling
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so let's talk penis.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
