I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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