just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
