Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
