not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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