My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
