Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
