remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
