Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
