I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
