Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
