Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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