I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
