my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize