I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
