My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
