What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
not ubering you a puppy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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