Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
