I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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