We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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